Becoming a mother has taught me many things. First, it has taught me that eating is not an option, it is a mandatory, scheduled event that can or cannot involve my consumption of food. Oh, you thought I was talking about me eating? No, the child must eat, not me. Truth of the matter is that I do not get a 3 or 2 meal day until the weekend! Silly you! Giving birth also taught me that nap time is set in stone. No, no. I am not the one taking the naps; my daughter is. So, when the sun arrives to approximately 1/3 up the sky and the clock says 12pm, it is nap time. The friend is coming over? Cancel it! The dishes need to be done? Too much noise so, forget it! But, what I have now begun to realize that if I say it, she will say it or want it. What does this mean? Spell it. Spelling may not be special words that only my friends and I would know because we are moms. But, spelling does give insider status to all adults or those old enough to write. So, my mommy friends and I have become super spellers and have decided we can just about take on any 3rd grader in the National Spelling Bee.
My friend Brenda and I both have children all under 3. We also just happen to be feisty people. Because we have kids, consequently, this does happen to make us feisty moms. So, on Mondays, we get together to recap. “Man, I had a C-R-A-P weekend. You-know-who got home after watching the game with the guys and was a little D-R-U-N-K. I am not exactly sure because I was sleeping. But, he was banging into the doors a little so I think he was plastered. (Big or confusing words also are a tool we use). I was so P-I-S-S-E-D!” To which she replies, “My weekend sorta S-U-C-K-E-D. My M-O-T-H-E-R-in-law was over and she was such a P-A-I-N in the B-U-T-T. All she does is B-I-T-C…if you know what I mean.” Spelling allows us to keep our feisty individualities alive even if our body is hardly functioning due to lack of food or sleep.
The other tool I briefly mentioned is the use of big words or phrases that the kids just would not understand. The same example from above, where the mother-in-law was in town, would sound a little like this, “My weekend was sorta unsatisfactory. My husband’s doting life giver was over and she was quite irksome. She expostulated all weekend!” The only problem with this method arises when one of us does not know what the big word may mean. Therefore, spelling is our method of choice.
My daughter depends on me for many things. What she depends on me most for is to be consistent with her schedule and not teach her anything she should not know until she is about 30. That is why Brenda and I would rather D-I-E than to go to the L-I-B-R-A-R-Y today and have to go through another S-T-O-R-Y time with those C-R-A-Z-Y, overprotective moms during N-A-P time. Bring it on 3rd grader!
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Reading this, I recalled the popular event of the family who spells out W-A-L-K around their dog until the dog eventually realizes what the family has been spelling and the family's secret is ruined! At what age do children begin decoding their parents' languages? But your somewhat secretive language is also very good for you. Recently a friend left me a message in which he spelled out every word and I couldn't figure out what he was saying until the 3rd or 4th listen ("Nick, call me back"). I've worked with teachers and parents that often talk far around the subject so that if I enter the middle of the conversation I usually can't make out what the topic is. I am envious of bilingual people who can talk about anything they want wherever they want and usually nobody will understand a word of their secrets. It is sometimes a bit of a game holding a conversation and not involving those who are in the room, as well. With children I'm sure this is especially difficult, with the way they assimilate words unattached to their meanings.
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